ROMANTIC walks, a snuggle front of the TV and hours of tantric sex make lockdown with a new love sound idyllic.
It is so appealing that Kate Beckinsale shacked up with her rocker boyfriend Goody Grace despite only meeting in January.
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Her former fling Jack Whitehall is on lockdown with new flame Roxy Horner, while Olly Murs has asked Amelia Tank to move in permanently after their isolation together.
Here LYNSEY CLARKE looks at the reality of isolating with a new bed-mate.
UNWELCOME RASHES
WITH no work to get to, you can quite literally have sex at any time of the day.
You are all over each other like a rash, or is that your bikini line that’s red raw and bumpy?
Usually, when you start a new relationship, you get yourself a salon-fresh Hollywood every three weeks, you’re as smooth as your Tinder chat-up lines.
But with just your trusty Gillette Venus razor to rely on, your groin area looks like a plucked chicken thigh, only with more in-grown hairs.
A friend of mine has been watching Boogie Nights to reintroduce her new bloke to the natural look.
If it works for Heather Graham, it can work for you.
TOILET TROUBLES
If you are not familiar with the dawn chorus, you should be. When you hear it, take this as a cue to brush your teeth (avoiding that awkward morning breath moment) and while you’re there, do your early morning number two, too.
Usually, it’s months or even years into a relationship before toilet habits are discussed, so unless you are a celeb with a dozen bathrooms in your pad, familiarise yourself with these other toilet tricks too.
If you can’t bring yourself to use some of that treasured loo roll as a silencer, then try the shower and steam technique. Your new man won’t hear — or smell — a thing.
CONTRACEPTION QUANDARY
The last thing you want in a new relationship is not to be able to have sex. But with a global shortage of condoms, after one of the world’s biggest manufacturers had to shut up shop due to Covid-19, this prospect is not beyond the realms of possibility.
You don’t want to be part of the lockdown baby boom (here’s betting one of the top ten names for new kids in 2021 is Corona).
So be organised because getting hold of other means of contraception might not be as easy as you think during social distancing.
A colleague had to order a blood pressure kit from Amazon just so she could get a Pill prescription from the GP rather than go into her surgery.
TOO MUCH TOO SOON
By the same token, don’t overdo it when it comes to love-making.
We get it — what else is there to do with all these extra hours?
There’s only so many crosswords or poetry recitals two can endure before things get a little tedious, and you’re not quite at that “we’re
OK with silences” stage.
But no one wants to use their once-daily exercise to trek to the pharmacy for cystitis sachets or a packet of Canesten, do they?
CENTRE OF ATTENTION
Neighbours love to keep a watchful eye on things, and if your lockdown lover has moved in since the restrictions came into force, or comes and goes between his and your house (this should not be happening but anecdotal evidence says it is), then there will be a nimby who cannot wait to call the local police station.
You don’t want to be the subject of the local gossip. My advice? Once in, stay in, come what may.
OFFICE ALTER EGOS
Before lockdown, your work lives were pretty separate. You knew he did something in finance, or was it computers? It didn’t matter.
Now all of a sudden he’s listening to you moan non-stop to your colleagues about your boss, and he’s making loud Zoom calls where he talks about reaching out, synergising and having thought showers.
Here’s a thought — stick to separate rooms between the hours of nine and five if you ever want this fledgling relationship to last.
WORKING OUT
Let’s face it, the majority of us do not look like Olly Murs’s bodybuilder girlfriend Amelia Tank in our Lycra, and we certainly don’t move like her when doing our daily (OK, weekly) workouts.
Thankfully, until now, your new beau has not seen your unsightly attempts to squat, lunge, plank or burpee.
But come lockdown, in order to avoid blubber belly or a dodgy back, you’re hopping around to Joe Wicks of a morning together. You’ve got to laugh or you’ll cry, right?
THE LITTLE THINGS
In normal times, couples gradually get to know each other and learn to accept, maybe even appreciate, each other’s annoying habits.
They provide quality material for wedding speeches, at least. But suddenly, he’s elbow-deep in your dirty make-up wipes, his bed sheets are covered in fake tan and he’s making comments about how often you speak to your mum.
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If you make it through this, you can endure anything together.
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From toilet troubles to too much sex, how isolating with a new love can go VERY wrong - The Sun
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