TOMORROW night sees the official start of winter with the launch of the latest series of I’m A Celebrity . . . Get Me Out Of Here! and this year has all the hallmarks of a potential classic.
Caitlyn Jenner is an inspired signing and worth every penny of her fat fee.
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I’m expecting great things from the woman who, in a previous life, was an Olympic gold medallist and called the world’s greatest athlete.
As I am sure you know, before she transitioned, Caitlyn was known as Bruce and appeared in the US version of I’m A Celebrity in 2003.
Bruce also had a global following as part of the bewildered extended family members in orbit around Kim Kardashian’s bum in their oddly addictive TV show.
At the time, Bruce was subjected to some very cruel speculation about his gender, before bravely going public and becoming the woman he was always meant to be.
I think she will do so well in the jungle because canny Caitlyn knows how reality TV works.
She has learned from the high priestess of the genre, former wife Kris Jenner, and Caitlyn knows exactly how to play up to the cameras in the most entertaining of ways.
As well as appearing in Keeping Up With The Kardashians, she starred in her own series, I Am Cait, and knows what makes good TV. She’s also had a tough time.
I think she will do so well in the jungle because canny Caitlyn knows how reality TV works.
Although hailed as an inspirational role model for the trans community, she has faced some horrendous abuse from bigots and trans-phobes.
Caitlyn’s chats around the campfire with other jungle contestants as they all get to know each other will be fascinating. She can also give us the real story behind the carefully cultivated Kardashian facade.
Actually, those candid conversations are the bits of the show I always enjoy the most, especially when they all settle down and start to open up to each other.
It’s enthralling seeing how a group of people with very little in common, other than various degrees of fame and their shared experience of jungle life, manage to work out a pecking order, form themselves into clans and alliances and find their way through such a demanding (and often demeaning) experience.
Nowhere else on Earth would you get a former footballer, a female singer, a DJ, a rugby player and the most famous trans woman in the world sitting around a camp fire, full of rice and beans, trying not to break wind and discussing how to cook an alligator tail.
It’s delightfully bonkers and all held together by Ant and Dec, who are back together this year and continue to make me laugh with their daft jokes and banter.
I reckon Caitlyn will emerge as the shining star of the show and, even at the age of 70, will breeze through all the physical challenges.
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Her only problem could be that she’s an elegant glamazon who likes to take care of herself, and in common with most women, is worried about being in the jungle without her hairdryer and make-up bag.
Caitlyn has, however, already proved she’s strong, brave and tenacious, so a few kangaroo bums and an ostrich penis will not faze her in the least.
I expect she will be the matriarch of the camp and the others will defer to her; firstly because she’s an older woman, but also because of her worldwide fame and celebrity, and not forgetting she has already earned respect the hard way.
Obviously I will also be cheering on my pal and colleague, GMB’s Kate Garraway.
Kate will get the chance to show her delightfully eccentric and wacky side. She’s extremely kind and will be someone the younger contestants can confide in, and she’ll also act as peacemaker if everything kicks off.
My only worry is that her chronic untidiness will upset the camp’s tidy fans.
TRIVIAL IRRITANTS
Another one to watch is football legend Ian Wright, who might get a bit grumpy if he isn’t fed three proper meals every day and doesn’t suffer fools gladly.
He has a brilliant sense of humour though, and loads of entertaining stories to tell, and I’m not surprised he’s the bookies’ early favourite.
What I truly love about this show are the unlikely friendships, the spats over trivial irritants and the chance to see people we think we know stripped down and forced to be themselves.
Some are better than others, and we can all sniff out anyone who comes in with a game plan and who isn’t being authentic. These are the ones quickly booted out.
Caitlyn has said she wishes her good friend and sort of stepson-in-law Kanye West could join her in the jungle.
Now wouldn’t the man who is Kim Kardashian’s husband be the ultimate I’m A Celebrity contestant?
He just opens his mouth and lets his belly rumble and there’s absolutely no filter.
In the highly unlikely event this year’s series turns out to be a damp squib, producers should get Caitlyn to give him a call.
Meanwhile we get to see a group of celebs frightened out of their lives and suffering horribly for our entertainment.
Delicious doesn’t even begin to cover it.
John Lewis putting the ad into advent
IF it were up to me, the word “Christmas” wouldn’t be spoken out loud until December 1 at the earliest.
This year there were Christmas cards and decorations in the shops and that Slade song blasting out before we had carved up our Halloween pumpkins.
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It’s nuts.
We will soon find ourselves in the mad situation of keeping the tree in the corner and the tinsel wrapped round our heads all year round.
It is only mid-November and we have just had what has come to be known as the “official” start of Christmas.
This is nothing to do with the baby Jesus and the three wise men. It is solely about buying stuff we don’t need.
Bizarrely, the star of festivities is the John Lewis advert, launched mid-week to the kind of fanfare normally reserved for royal births and weddings.
This year’s mini-movie cost the chain £7million and features a little girl called Ava with her friend Edgar the Dragon, who gets very excited at Christmas time.
Sadly, this means he can’t control his fire-breathing, destroys all the decorations and melts the snowmen, which enrages the whole village. Poor Edgar is distraught and hides himself away.
Luckily, through the power of love and friendship, Ava helps Edgar redeem himself an he uses his magic fire to set the Christmas pudding alight.
It is manipulative schmaltz designed to make us spend too much money on food, drink and gifts.
But . . . it must be said it is beautifully done, has real heart and a spine-tingling sound- track. It had me unashamedly snuffling and reaching for my hanky.
Job done, then.
Seconds out...Crown 3
I KNOW I’m not the only one setting the alarm for 8am tomorrow to binge-watch the entire third series of The Crown.
I have ordered extra teabags, three jumbo-sized packets of Hobnobs and will order several takeaway pizzas.
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My plan is to sit on the sofa in my jim-jams and wallow in the wondrous Olivia Colman, Helena Bonham Carter and the rest of the splendid cast, bringing the near past to life and opening a window into the world of our Queen, who never explains and never complains.
We must remember it is a drama, not a documentary. And no one really knows what the royals say to one another once they take off their crowns and put on their slippers.
Word from the Palace is that they are not too amused by some of the subjects tackled in this latest series.
But I thought previous episodes showed most of the royals, especially the Queen and Prince Philip, in a sympathetic light and probably enhanced their popularity with the public.
I reckon they should keep quiet and bask in all the praise.
Runway success
IN the spirit of help- ing and respecting our Armed Forces, when I was in the US waiting to board an internal flight from San Francisco to Florida, veterans and current servicemen and women were invited to board the plane before anyone else.
They also have special parking spaces and are regularly thanked for their service.
Things we should adopt here.
Blunt's gesture is not a stunt
I’VE always loved the way James Blunt poked fun at his image as dull and irritating.
His posts on social media, especially when answering back to trolls, are hilarious.
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One example really made me laugh.
Someone tweeted: “Why does James Blunt always sound like his willy is being stood on?”
To which he replied: “Damn thing is always getting caught under my feet.”
James is one of the good guys, which he proved again this week with the news that royalties from his new single Monsters will go to help our Armed Forces.
The ex-soldier has teamed up with The Sun to release the charity single in aid of Help For Heroes and the British Legion.
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Labour's forced telecom takeover will rob all of us who have pensionsIt is a wonderful gesture to help those men, women and their families, who have sacrificed so much for all of us. Some have paid the ultimate price, while others have been wounded in mind and body.
I salute James, who joined the Army in 1996 and rose to become a captain before leaving in 2002 to become the hugely successful performer we know so well today.
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